The Gentle Nudge
September 1, 2026
by Candace Smith
The Etiquette Blog
Candace Smith Etiquette
Biography: Candace Smith, wife of Nobel Prize-Winner Professor Dr. Vernon Smith and owner of the extraordinary blog, “Etiquette for the Business of Life” as featured by BBC, Chicago Tribune and USA Today offers her insights.
“How to follow up without being a pest.”
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Sometimes it’s necessary to nudge a response from someone, particularly when it comes to email. We’re all busy, with information coming at us at a constant pace. A message that isn’t handled immediately can quickly disappear beneath a growing inbox.
There is, however, a fine line between a friendly reminder and something that begins to feel like a push. Once we cross that line, courtesy can quickly turn into irritation.
The challenge is that we rarely know why someone hasn’t responded. Perhaps the email was opened and forgotten, the person has been traveling, or life simply got in the way. Rather than assuming the worst, give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
While You Wait
Before following up, keep a few simple things in mind:
- Keep your emotions in check.
- Don’t accuse or imply that the other person has been rude.
- Consider whether you genuinely need an answer or are simply frustrated by the delay.
- Allow for the possibility that your message was overlooked.
- Give yourself a reasonable date to follow up rather than repeatedly checking for a response.
When the time comes, a gentle reminder is perfectly appropriate. Depending on the situation, you might forward your original email with a short note such as, “Hi John, just circling back on this when you have a moment,” or “Mary, I suspect this may have slipped through the cracks. Curious what you think and how we should proceed.”
If the matter is more time-sensitive, it’s also perfectly polite to be direct without being demanding: “Regarding the Johnson offer, should we consider setting a deadline? I’m happy to speak by phone if that would be easier.”
I also try to remember the other side of the equation. When I receive an email that deserves a response, my guideline is to acknowledge it within 24 hours whenever possible. I may not have the answer yet, but a simple, “John, I received your email and will get back to you later this week,” lets the sender know the message hasn’t been forgotten.
The Takeaway: We’re all busy, and emails occasionally slip through the cracks. There’s nothing wrong with a gentle nudge. Just keep it brief, assume good intentions and lead with kindness. A reminder should feel like a tap on the shoulder—not a shove.
